Fear
We tell our success stories once we overcome our failures. But how do you endure the failures when you have no success story to tell?
‘Freedom is the lack of fear’ – and maybe that’s why freedom is so hard to get. Fear sometimes (mostly always) becomes bigger than your aspirations, expectations, hope, and freedom. Fear usually crops in when you sense disproportionate uncertainties around you. We are all humans and are well-functioned to handle uncertainties, you see life is uncertain, but the problem comes when you feel you are losing control of those uncertainties. Now you can question how can one ‘control’ uncertainties- but think again, do we not? Our major part of life is carved into making plans, goals, predictions, and forecasting our actions in order to tweak uncertainties (as framed in/by our mind). I am currently, in the phase where my every plan, goal, and prediction is giving me nothing but distress (slash failure) making uncertainties slip out of control and hence, paving more fear.
Days when a cup of coffee, a walk in the park, and a book also cannot fix…
There are days when I feel strong, lively, and ready to dream and make them come true, and there are days when it’s a task to get out of bed and do daily chores. Somedays, my every aspiration makes sense and I strive and thrive towards achieving them, and some days I think they are baseless and merely a part of my imagination. Somedays I feel like talking and sharing my accomplishments with my family/friends, and somedays I don’t want to reply to a text from a dear friend. There are days when I exactly know how I feel, and there are days when I have no clue about my own feelings/emotions. Somedays I dream, hope, and expect, and somedays I want to give up on dreams, hopes, and expectations because they become tiring for me.
Must have happened with you too? What really changes between these two days?
I am at the conjuncture where I have started fearing the fear my mind and heart pour to me – every morning, evening, night, and the time in between. If I deep dive, my fears are mostly due to internal factors, and sure as everyone says, they are really not as big as they are in my head. But when fears are employed, facts become incidental. The fact is nothing is constant, and this phase shall pass, however, how to afloat the phase that’s not in the disposition to pass? For instance, currently, I am fearing the fact that though my fears are not that legit or big, still I am clutched to them, making them big and wide, unconsciously, every day.
People say life is all about learning and experiencing new experiences. Nevertheless, there are also days when you don’t learn, but simply fail; when you don’t experience, but simply survive. Gratitude and gratification are important in life, but sometimes though you have enough reasons to be grateful, you do not have much gratefulness within to share.
Black and White Bleak
I know the above paras are bleak but trust me I am a fairytale person and a Shah Rukh Khan fan; you know what I mean right? I am the person who craves to see the silver lining in every cloud, well it’s just some days you fear finding the silver lining for whatsoever reason – maybe because of the fear of losing into the darkness if you try too hard to see the silver lining?
By writing blogs, I talk to you and also to myself. And usually, (somehow) I end up answering my own questions but today, it is different. I always try to end my blogs on a positive note (considering I am SRK fan :P), but today I am unable to. Mainly because it will be a happy ending once I know how to overcome my chain of fears and at this moment, I can’t think much.
Should I question the baselessness of my fears and try to splash their existence? Or should I accept every fear and assent that not every cloud has a silver lining, and I might not have a success story to tell? Or should I lose out on the certainties a bit and accept the shape and form the uncertainties have to offer?
Will any of these options help me in overcoming my fears?
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