Scratching the Surface
There’s something special about the first job. No matter what your salary is or in fact how low your salary is, the feeling of becoming independent, makes it special.
My first job was in KPMG as a Risk Analyst in Mumbai. I was grateful for this opportunity and wanted to make the most of it. That streak of flair continued and that commitment to prove ‘myself’ gave me enough adrenaline rush to passionately manifest my tenacity.
There was no solid connection between my education and my job role. I was only 21, so the main reason to take that job was just to have experience. Also, honestly, the offer letter was not just a normal letter for me, it was also a statement that said I exist somewhere. When I used to be in self-doubt (almost always), someone had seen some caliber in me. I knew that I’ll have to prove myself again, but what and whom to prove was still a question. But I didn’t care, I just wanted to live that opportunity.
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I still remember the first day of our orientation- gosh, that was a long day! We all had enough time to get familiar with new faces, and in the process, I made a few friends. We were in different departments, but it’s always good to talk to someone who kind of shares similar feelings and edginess. However, my work demanded a client-facing role, so I rarely had a chance to go to the KPMG office.
The New Journey
My first client office was in Andheri west. The mode of commutation from my flat to office was a walk to the metro station followed by sharing an auto with two more people and finally reaching the office. I was a bit uneasy on my first day, not because the office was not good or something but simply because I had no idea what I was supposed to do after completing 10 days of boot camp training! And then I finally saw my manager and other teammates. They could sense the nervousness on my face, but they made the setup so normal, that by the end of the day, I told myself that this wasn’t that scary! That was my friend, the start of this new journey.
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I had this amazing team- simply awesome colleagues who helped me throughout. I was also a part of the CSR activities which always charged me in a stirring way. Celebrations and laughter eventually became a part of this astounding team. With this work culture and zeal that I had in me; I could bag an award within 6 months of my work! That moment was great, and I was super proud of myself. I could hush the insecurities within me and convince myself that the job offer was not sheer luck- I had something in me.
Ye Dil Maange More…
Then just like that, the days and months went by, and got other clients to work with. However, whenever I used to sit with an unoccupied mind, I realized I was not happy. Yes, I always wanted to put my best work forward but that didn’t mean that I liked the process. I wanted to move from this constant position- and move not physically or incrementally but move radically. That feeling was weird, somedays I felt drained and some days I felt that my potential was not being utilised. Now the question was what made me think this? The amount of work or simply the idea of going back to work again the next morning? The first reason was fine to handle, I could talk to my manager and get things sorted. However, it was the second reason which made me anxious.
It’s funny, all this high energy and effort in work just to realize later this is not it. It has to be something else. What ‘something else’? I didn’t know. But I knew that was the time to move. While the graduation phase was all about coming out of the comfort zone; this job was the start of ‘scratching the surface.’
There was nothing bad in this job, the team was good, and I was also learning and improving. My parents also wanted me to stay and work for a year more in this firm. Everything was just fine, but ye dil maange more!
Voice of Inner Guide
I have always believed that change is the only constant. It is inevitable to ignore the changes around you. These changes can be internal (within) or external. While we pay attention to the external changes, we most likely ignore the inner voice or so to say inner changes- change in mood, energy, efforts, and balance. To process that balance within and to hear the voice clearly, I felt it was important to let go of the noise around. And so, I resigned after completing one year in KPMG.
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I had no idea what to do next, but I knew what I didn’t want to do. Sometimes, when it’s tough to find ‘your what next’ it’s easier to know what cannot or should not be your next. I learned this process of filtering the don’t(s) eventually leads you to a step closer to what you want to do. Maybe that’s why I was not in two minds- I had no doubts and I felt assured that this will be the journey of moving on to do better things.
Packed my bags, and within 3-4 days I was back at my home- Bhopal. I had many unanswered questions, but I knew only I could answer them, and it was just a matter of scratching the surface more. What did I do next and was it enough this time? Let’s meet soon and talk! Also, I’d love to know about your first job! How was it and did switching your first job had made you a little eerie?
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