Embracing Failures
Some people say, preparing your mind to study after having a work experience is tough. And, I believe they say it right.
After coming back to my hometown, I decided to do an MBA because I thought that was the right time to complete my education. Just for some context, I came to Bhopal in August- so technically I had 3-4 months to crack any competitive exams like CAT, CMAT, CET, etc. All pepped up, I enrolled myself for T.I.M.E coaching classes for 3 months. I thought 3 months would be good enough to prepare considering I’ll have all hours to myself. Yes, I know most of you would be already laughing by now- I still laugh at myself for that incorrigible trait in me.
The Fear and Escapism
Those days were hard. Some days, I even cursed myself for leaving a nice job and deciding to come back here to ‘prepare’ and ‘study’ for exams. I yearned for those XXXXX amount credited messages on my phone. I kept elucidating myself that this was if not the best, then definitely a necessary decision that I had to take and I should leave no chance to make the most of it. I decided I’ll have a proper schedule and will follow it religiously for 3 months. So, I started attending T.I.M.E classes but also started feeling the fear of losing out or missing out in the crowd constantly. Students in my batch were doing their revision sessions, while I was doing a crash course thinking 3 months would be enough!
We all look for escapism when we get our minds full of overwhelming emotions, right? I find that escapism in books. Someone had recommended me this book called- The Fountainhead. I still thank that person! The Fountainhead- is a classic novel, a highly recommended book for all those who like to read and also for those who think books are overrated. This book, my friend will change the way you think. This book kept me flowing and gave me a new definition of passion. Whenever I felt lost, I went back to it and instilled myself with a gallop of fresh energy.
A Series of Failures
Days passed and I could cover only a few major topics for all the exams. I gave CAT in November- got 68% so obviously didn’t get any college through that. Then I gave NMIMS – got 3 marks less to clear that exam. I couldn’t clear Welingkar Mumbai college’s interview. Phew! A series of failures when all I had ever wanted was to save myself from such embarrassment. I was losing hope because I didn’t want to take a year break and prepare for exams. I had this last exam – CMAT as CET was out because I didn’t want to go back to Mumbai and do my post-graduation.
In those 3 months, I could prepare myself enough to crack CMAT. However, the pressure of ‘what if(s)’ had started haunting. What if I don’t clear this exam also? What if CET is the last option? What if I have to take a break for some time? What if I don’t get a nice college? What if I don’t get a nice job?
Hidden Answers
Where does our willpower go when we most need it? Why can’t we hear any answers to the most important questions? Why do we breathe in and out our insecurities when we need our assurances? Why do we start smelling fear everywhere? The answers are simple. We keep questioning everything and are not ready to listen to the answers. We put our focus more on the insecurities than assurances. We put our fear first making it hard for willpower to take it over. We expect so much from ourselves that we get ready to lose ourselves in the process. I believe, nothing is more important than you, you as a person.
Picking up the right college or bagging a great job is the whole world’s struggle and it’s a part of everyone’s life. I know the breadth and depth of insane competition everywhere around. However, that’s the time when it becomes necessary to keep ourselves sane so we can focus on the right things. Focus on the things that we might control, rather than on the situations that we can’t even predict.
I braced myself, gave a shot for CMAT exams, and could clear it with 95%. I wanted to go to Goa Institute of Management (GIM) and I thought 95% would be good enough to land me there. A few days later, GIM released their selection criteria and mentioned they need 96% in CMAT for students to apply to that college.
I had tears in my eyes. I felt so disappointed and heart broken. However, in the background ‘ruk jana nahi tu kahin haar ke’ song played in my head (forcefully had to play this song :P). I had other colleges in my hand, but nothing that I wanted. I had to select a college amongst those because as I had mentioned, I was not ready to take a drop.
When Life Gives You Lemons…
I selected the Institute Of Management Technology (IMT) Nagpur for my post-graduation. It is a tier 2 college. I knew IMT was not the college I wanted, mainly because I had not even heard anything about it, and I deserved GIM at least! However, I believe, that if you start embracing situations that life pulls you into, you start making something out of it. So, my friends when life gives you lemons, make masala lemonade ;). I accepted whatever this phase of life had to offer and looked forward to my post-graduation journey.
How was my experience in IMT Nagpur and was I able to make something out of it?
Also, don’t forget to share some similar experiences of yours. Would be glad to know how you managed yourself in that phase and would love to learn something from you!
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